first impressions

of lasting consequence

years of passion

transition into

years of distain

Yet first impressions

remain steadfast in my mind

contrary to the reality

in front of me

The facts do not

match the lies

I choose to believe

Until one day

I am forced to confront

the truth

that the paradigm

does not match

the cold hard facts

that the truths that I believed

were in fact lies,

carefully manipulated to

sound better than they would

really appear

Enough truth

to cause me to second guess

my reality

my truths

my sanity

I have been saved

I have been abused

I have been shamed

I am now free

from the  lies

but I now question

my inner self

my decisions

my heart.

The pain of

breakingup

is akin to

ripping out your own

heart,

salting it

throwing it down and stomping on it,

stealing your friends cigarette,

taking a quick puff

and then extinguishing it

by twisting the lit end into

the already, bruised, and salty surface.

Gingerly, you must

then pick it back up

quickly dust it off,

pick out the big pieces of dirt, rocks and debris

and then stuff it back into the tiny hole

that it originally came out of

Never mind the swelling

or that it is a little mushed

It should go back down

given rest and time.

independant 

soulful and true

Here but for

the momment

a sparkle

and then gone 

with a chill

Each one

small little flake

is perfect

a reminder

of human life

We are all 

similar

but are all 

different to 

varying degrees.

it is unclear:

I wish that I were clairvoyant

so that I 

could see where this

is going to take me.

My only hope

is that 

there are those of you

out there 

that have 

been there,

done that….

So you chuckle

and smile,

hope for the best

and wish me luck

on this crazy path

of marriage, 

love,

and acceptance.

over my head,

hovering,

creeping,

keeping

silent time 

to my footsteps.

Sometimes, I can 

beat it with 

a phone call,

a funny line

or 

a little “Saturday In the Park”

but today:

I cannot move fast enough,

I cannot elude it….

Persistantly

dogging me

never leaving…

It is

ever my unwanted 

companion.  

Writing helps,

as it

forces me to 

clear my mind

to think on other 

things.

Mental stimulation

Memories

Friendships

God and Family

I am not alone

So the 

Black Cloud

cannot have power over me.

Writing is my

medication.

Moodiness,

is my inspiration.

Love,

is the ultimate prize.

John McCain has chosen a WOMAN, for Pete’s Sakes, as a running mate!  What a coup!  What experience does she have?  What in the world will she do with her children?  What will the neighbors think?  Oh my Gosh! Her daughter is pregnant!  What an oversight…..OR was it?  I bet he did it on purpose…..and on and on it goes.  Why is it such a big deal? 

One could argue that the feminists of the world are really not feminists.  If you must divide feminism down party lines, what do you call an independent feminist, and what do you call a republican feminist, and what do you call a libertarian feminist and so on….I feel that this whole thing can be summed up as a HUGE practical joke, and some people have better sense of humor than others. 

I think that it was a brilliant move on his part, to choose such an obviously “green”–as in GREENHORN–person to get his campaign going.  Just like Hollywood says, “Any press, is good press” of which in turn is good for the party, and it has successfully taken the pressure off of John McCain, and has caused the Petty to focus on her for a while, to give his poor ol’ ticker some R&R.

I have heard many sides to this story, and it reads with hypocrisy on all sides of the issue.  Nobody likes to be duped, and that is the primary reason for the uproar on the Democratic Party’s side.  It was a closely guarded secret, completely blindsiding the world, as he successfully stole Obama’s glory and thunder on the last days of the Democratic Convention. Success!

She, Sarah Palin, has provided the Republican Party the perfect scapegoat, a sacrificial lamb, to take the heat, and to be used as a pawn to re-start his flagging ratings.  What kind of person does that? 

I did not want to vote for either of the candidates.  I still feel like I have no one to vote for that fits my consummate ideal of human presidential perfection.  Obama is slick.  Too slick, and too weak for my liking—if he could not stand up to his PASTOR, than what makes him think he could stand up for me, the American citizen. 

McCain is the same shit, different day.  Same old, same old…not that I want change so much as I want people to actually follow the Constitution!  I have some issues, and I have needs, and I think McCain is one of the good ol’ boys, with nothing new to bring to the table.  I doubt his sincerity as well.  I even would so far as to say that he did not personally pick out Palin, but was advised to do it from someone higher up in the party, in order to save his sagging 73 year old butt—look at the footage of his presentation of her to the rest of the world.  He looks like he threw up a little bit in his mouth.  Body language never lies.        

So, while I can relate: being a woman, wanting change, having my own Down Syndrome child, and working outside of the home and having to lean on my husband, the ability to relate to her just might not be enough for me—to persuade me to give up my vote to either party—and I may be forced to throw away my vote by writing in somebody, anybody, like Mickey Mouse, or Ron Paul.   

When is it
time to
turn away from
you,
your ways,
your manipulations?

You took something
precious and
irreplaceable
from me,
my innocence
lost, my world view.

Too late to
recover it,
but not
too late to
be transplanted,
to grow anew.